I am afraid of Bon Jovi  

Feb 12, 2009

Tati: Hello to you all, crazy valentines!

Since today is Jason day and tomorrow is Romantics day, I have found the perfect combination

A romantic American psycho!

Mel: This one?

Tati: Nope, not that one, he is not romantic.

This one:

you got that one right: Oh Lord here we go!

Mel: Well according to this pic he is “romantic Jesus” see the crown of thorns? It was ROSES...for you!

Tati: Hear me out ladies: John Bongiovi A.K.A. Jon Bon Jovi A.K.A. Bon Jovi is a psycho and I have proof, of course!

Let’s go through some photographic evidence first:

Mel: Tati did you photoshop that? Seriously who told him his best angle was turning like that, and how did he get those pants on! He looks like he has no “working parts” and had to use a gender bender to get those on, that isn’t sexy.

Tati: I swear I didn't touch this hideous thing, it is in fact, If I am not mistaken from the "Blaze Of Glory" CD booklet. But do you perceive this as normal? If you do, then you need to go see the looney doctor. Then you would think it was the 80’s and blame it on an innocent decade. Wait look:

HE IS STILL DOING IT!!!! Is this normal people? IS IT??? Of course not.

Mel: Yeah, still didn’t understand the angle deal, pants look like they are SUPPOSED to be tight and aren’t - like, has he never heard of jeans?- Now at least he has better hair, an unburned nose, a waxed not too long ago chest (further looney proof) and better abs. Money helped SOME things.

Tati: We will give a rest to our eyes for a while and focus on his music. Where he can truly express his feelings and bring everything from within and make some romantic tunes, like no other psycho can.

This is my favourite song from Bon-Jovi-Psycho-Killah. I lo-lo-love it, but now it scares me. Sometimes one listens to a song and never pays attention to the lyrics. BIG MISTAKE! I’ve been endorsing a psycho-killah and I didn’t know.

Mel: Not to worry we’ve all done it, I personally like to endorse a known psycho killer. And you can keep endorsing him, just include the psycho killer part.

Tati: First listen to it, will you?

Isn’t this the coolest Bon-Jovi-Psycho-Killah song? I lo-lo-love it! Now we have to see what he wants to tell you in there. But first, pretend that you and Bon-Jovi-Psycho-Killah are fancying each other, or are already dating. Then he comes to you and says:

baby, “If I was your mother, would you let me hold your hand? Would you tell me you are my baby? Would you always be my friend?”

and then, since you would probably be paralyzed and in shock trying to understand what just came out of the hot lips of your boyfriend, he would look deep into your eyes, hold your hand and go:

oh baby, “Tell me what I got to do, to make my life mean more to you...Tell me there is no other, to who you are telling your secrets, and baby, would you tell me about the boys you’ve been bringing home to meet me?”

And finally if you haven’t fainted, but surely turned pale white, he would hug you and whisper softly into your year:

Because you know babe, “When love is blood, you are never on trial, it don’t get deeper than a mother and a child, oh, baby, I got to get that close to you” *HEARTATTACK*

WHAT THE FUCK BON JOVI!!!!! Jesus Christ man!

Mel: Yeah ...WHAT THE FUCK BON JOVI!!!! Jesus Christ man...did you write that? There are numbers and drugs for this kind of thing and professional help. Is it because you are from New Jersey? Don’t be shy, tell us about catholic school.

Tati: Seriously, if you didn’t realize yet, let me make it clear: he is basically implying that you and your mother engage in a homosexual incestuous relationship and he wants that too, because if it’s the same blood, it’s ok. It wouldn’t surprise me if the girl in question was like 12. And he probably wants to know about the boys you’ve been meeting, so he can kill them one by one.

My theory is that he got away with that song because nobody realized what he was trying to say. Now, if he had said If I was your father, he would be in jail FOH SURE!

Mel: Which is why George Michael's "Father figure, preacher, teacher hand in mine" always freaked me out. That and Prince but that’s another story.

Tati: Next song will prove that Mr. Psycho-Killah is also a melancholic and dysfunctional stalker. (and Felicity is not a friend to be trusted around your boyfriend)

Picture that one now: After you’ve recovered from your heart attack, you dump your Psycho-Killah boyfriend, thinking now you will be safe. A few days later, *RING* *RING*, it’s Bon-Jovi-Psycho-Killah on the phone:

You: Hello?
Bonjo: Oh, hey baby!
You: ... ... ... ... Oh, hi Bonjo, why are you calling me? I told you a million times not to!
Bonjo: Well babe, you know, This Romeo is bleeding. You see I've always been a fighter, but without you I give up...
You: Bonjo, don’t give up, go be happy with someone else, it’s not you, it’s me!

Bonjo: I will love you, baby – Always. And I'll be there forever, I'll be there till the stars don't shine, and I know when I die, you'll be on my mind.
You: ... ... Errr, what???
Bonjo: What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair, to touch your lips, to hold you near. When you say your prayers try to understand, I've made mistakes, I'm just a man
You: What do you mean by that? Why should I be praying? Look I have a new man now, a normal one.
Bonjo: When he holds you close, when he pulls you near, when he says the words you've been needing to hear, I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine, to say to you till the end of time.
You: What the... Wait a minute, is that your car parked in front of my house?
Bonjo: *heavy breathing*
You: Hello?? Bonjo????
Bonjo: *CLICK*

Is that sexy to anyone?

Mel: ...........ok I take it back, tight sexless pants, no shirt and turned in funny angle IS a better look.

Tati: I don’t know about you, but for me there is a very fine line between being a romantic and a psychopath. I don’t believe Bon-Jovi-Psycho-Killah is on the right side of it.

Mel: Hmm do you have the guidebook on that? While I agree with you, there are some others I’d like to look up, when does romantic become stalking and creepy? I mean, there was a guy who was psycho but I’m not about the path part. That path is kind of twisty.

Like the guy who kept beating up my boyfriend because he had a crush on me, and kept trying to show me my boyfriend was an ass, which he was, ho only stopped threatening him after I asked him to stop (at which point the then boyfriend thought it was because he’d been working out and the guy doing the original threatening and male posturing decided to “back down”.

That was such a joke, because I mean my boyfriend at the time was a wimpy Tuba player and the other guy was a black belt in karate) I digress – which of us was more psycho? Me for dating a Tuba player, the Tuba player for being delusional, or the guy threatening violence? I’d like to think I’m still on the path, but I haven’t slept much this week, so I may be in the ditch right now.

Tati: Well Mel, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this but, you are all Psycho, but the winner Psycho-Killah is the Tuba-Player-Beater. (do I need to elaborate on that? Didn't think so)

I will put one last song here because otherwise, I will stay here all day showing you how psycho Mr. Psycho-Killah is.

I will simply paste the 1st verse here and you can take your own conclusions:

It might be hard to be lovers
But it’s harder to be friends
Baby pull down the covers
Its time you let me in
Maybe light a couple candles
I’ll just go ahead and lock the door
If you just talk to me baby
‘Til we ain’t strangers anymore

Mel: I don’t think he plans on talking much.

Tati: Yeah, if you ask me, pulling my covers down, locking the door, talking to me until we are not strangers anymore and going inside me means only one thing:

Tati (10:39:49 PM): rape rape rape rape!
Gabriel (10:44:00 PM): rape!

Not to mention this thing is worst than a cheap country song. Now on Bonjo’s defence I got to tell you

He looks hot when his hands are somewhere I can see them. HA!

Mel: well now that we endorse a known Psycho-incestuous-stalking-killer. I also have "It's My Life" in my head. "It’s my liiiiiiiiiiife, it’s now or never"....spoken like a true Psycho

Happy Jason-Valentine’s Day for you allllllllllllllll! A *gift*

Mel: Note to self – don’t pay attention to the lyrics of any metal bands, particularly “hair metal” also suggested gift for all you Psycho killers for this Jason-Valentine`s Day..

Tati: Note to Mel – Bonjo is not Metal, not even “Hair Metal”...

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7 comments: to “ I am afraid of Bon Jovi

  • Anonymous
    February 13, 2009 at 6:55 AM  

    escola católica, heh.

    e adorei minha participação involuntária e fora de contexto. aprovado.

  • Mel
    February 13, 2009 at 11:53 AM  

    Note to Tati: I thought Bonjo was plain and simple Pop but: [URL=http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v608/visolela/?action=view&current=popmetal.jpg][IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v608/visolela/th_popmetal.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

  • Bell
    February 15, 2009 at 9:13 AM  

    Ahahaha I almost don't pay attention to lyrics, and I admit it's a serious problem =p
    Many songs that has nice melody has crappy lyrics >_<

    Bon Jovi surprised me LOL (not in a good way)

  • Bruno (o Palermo)
    February 20, 2009 at 9:42 AM  

    WTF?! Thing cannot be "unseen" after you see them! Why are you showing those to me? What did I do?

  • Anonymous
    August 11, 2009 at 5:41 AM  

    omg this post is hilarious! jon bon jovi isnt a psycho! :O lol and i think hes kinda cute in some of those picz hmph! lol cool post though i laughed my head of! :D
    bon jovi rules XD O.o i didnt always understand *if i was your mother* though, but the hell with it! love that song :D lol

  • rock_and_roller13
    August 11, 2009 at 6:21 AM  

    rofl loved this made me laugh! but jon bon jovi isnt a psyco LOL!!

  • ღJovischickღ
    November 1, 2009 at 8:41 PM  

    this was pretty funny, gotta admit, but i hope u guys were just kidding
    bon jovi isn't a psycho! he's a man *drool*
    I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I WOULD DIE FOR HIM. if neones psycho, its me, for him!
    i'm obsessed, n kinda insulted by this post...
    shame on you

    n he is "hair metal" wtf? uhhh get ur facts straight homegirl...


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