Carnaval from Hell!  

Feb 24, 2009

Did you really think we would post something? It's Carnaval!!!! No work for a week.

here, some stupid pics for your amusement:

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Lazy Humans!  

Feb 19, 2009

Elvis: So since Mel is downstairs playing the stupid Flower game on the stupid video game on the stupid TV, beneath the really cozy fuzzy warm wonderful but stupid blanket - WITHOUT ME! I have decided to take over her laptop that she has forgotten to put away. I really prefer the desktop but right now its Fluffbrain's turn with the keyboard, so I`ll have to make do with this.

So Tati, seriously what could possibly be more interesting than ME where you are? I hear you are in some place called “Toe Wrong Toe” and that they have lots of beer. I have seen nothing in your descriptions of this land of anything remotely interesting for cats, and find it hard to believe they would simply let humans run feral without some sort of domination or at least a good tagging system.

Tati: Yes Elvis, I’m in toewrongtoe! And NO, no beer for you! I still have the scars from the last time I let you go to the bar with me. And I am sure that old guy still misses his hair!

People here love animals. Some of them even learned how to drive. Next time you are here I’m going to take you for a ride, because you are a much better driver than the “others” here.

Elvis: After some Googling I see things about bears, moose and salmon. Where is my salmon? I demand salmon with a nice side salad.

Tati: Yum! Food here is awesome too. I have to take you to the St. Lawrence Market. They have a LOT of fish there! And then I can take you to the Humane Society to visit some stray friends. They take very good care of all sorts of animals there. I might even leave you there for a while to see if they can do something about your attitude!

Elvis: I thought I would take this opportunity to share some of my favorite locations on the web in order to enlighten those humans without proper cat owners to care for them. l will however have to train the majority of you through subliminal cat messages which tire me out however a good recharge of my chlorophyll cells in the sun and I should be able to have enough energy to jump onto the bed for my afternoon nap.

One of my favorite sites is the Fail Blog because it is evidence of how humans can be so stupid. I will never quite understand why find poop and potty humor more entertaining than the thrill of box hunting. Seriously hairballs, shit and vomit are not funny. They are to be hidden discarded and not referred to even in a comical way.

Tati: Oh! because cats are REALLY smart!

Elvis: Although seeing you humans drunk is funny.

Tati: You said it Mr. It’s-not-an-old-man’s-head-it’s-delicious-green-grass! Baby, when you are drunk, NOTHING is funnier!

Elvis: Another of my favorite sites is The cat house I hope to find such highly trained and properly worshipful humans in the future. A cat can dream can't he? I also enjoy checking out this one.

For those that have not done their homework I suggest you do some research about why we felines are superior beings

and anyone wishing to earn my favor and good will should send offerings of fuzzy balls to me c/o Mel.


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Batman (1966)  

Feb 18, 2009

Holy movie nights folks! This week’s movie is so awesome, I’m still happy about it! I wanna watch it over and over and over again! I will apologise in advance because this one is going to be long, there is too much awesome in this movie for me not to mention.

The 1st Batman movie (with Adam West) is possibly the best Batman movie. Forget Christian Bale, Adam West forever! *love*. Here is a taste:

Yep, you heard the man, exploding man eating sharks, megaton magnets, deadly disintegrators, Polaris missiles and a LOT of drugs, if I may add.

This movie was so much fun we give it 9 explanatory labels. It all begins “on a peaceful afternoon motor-ride when millionaire Bruce Wayne and his youthful ward, Dick Grayson, have been summoned back to Wayne manor by an urgent, but anonymous call for help. “

The deal is: Some inventor got kidnapped and is being held prisoner on his yatch. So Batman calls the airport and tells them to get the Bat-copter ready. While they are flying, they find some girls in bikinis on the top of a building, and then finally they find the Yatch on the Sea. Batman tells Robin to check the Bat-angle and then drop the Bat-Ladder, which has a label on it just in case you don’t know what that is. Those labels will become very useful throughout the movie.

Unfortunately, it was all staged. It was a plan to lure and kill Batman and Robin. The Yatch was just a hologram and as Batman approaches the water an exploding man eating shark jumps on his leg.

Gabriel (8:47:53 PM): Bat-angle uAHEuhAEuhAEUhAE
Tati (8:48:11 PM): hahahahaha Bat-ladder!!!!!! Tati (8:48:20 PM): Bat-shark! Tati (8:49:14 PM): tananananananananananaaaa
Gabriel (8:49:49 PM): pa!
Tati (8:49:56 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Gabriel (8:50:04 PM): Holy sardine!!!
Tati (8:50:16 PM): NOOOOOOO

But he is the goddamn Batman after all and they manage to escape. So after that, they go back to the Batcave to figure out who is behind the man eating exploding shark. At the Batcave they figure out that the Yatch was an “illegal projection”. They hop on the Bat-boat to investigate even further and end up stuck on the megaton magnet. The villains, now inside the Penguin’s submarine - that actually looks like a penguin - activate the “Remote Control Penguin Magnet” and throw torpedoes at Batman and Robin.

Batman manages to reach his Bat-transmitter, reverses the polarity, send out waves of “super energy” and escape once more! They call the Pentagon and ask them if they know about any submarine being purchased lately. And they do know. Last week a “Pre-atomic model” was purchased by a “chap” named P. En Guin. HA!

Gabriel (9:09:52 PM): classified waste!
Tati (9:09:55 PM): oh hoi! Tati (9:10:17 PM): He is looking for the submarine on his roladex ! Tati (9:10:31 PM): p-en-guin!
Tati (9:11:09 PM): hahahahahahahahahaha
Gabriel (9:11:25 PM): submarine is launching a manned mission to them moon
Tati (9:11:39 PM): oh wow Tati (9:12:16 PM): hahahahahahahahahaha
Gabriel (9:12:20 PM): AUEHuhAEuhaeUheaUhAEUHAEuh
Gabriel (9:12:25 PM): Holy shit!!!
Tati (9:12:41 PM): CATWOMAN!
Gabriel (9:12:44 PM): cat woooomannnn :,(

While they are still on the docks, Batman sees a Polaris missile exploding in the sky and it leaves a riddle in form of a joke.

So the OBVIOUS answer for that riddle in form of a joke? A CAT. Let’s see the riddle.

According to Robin, the answer for the first question is “gobble up” and for the second is a “sparrow with a machine gun” (but of course!). So, combine both answers: what creature would gobble up a bird on a tree? “Heaven’s protectors, A CAT!”


I must interrupt and quote a part of the movie that shows that Batman is not just a good-looking superhero, he is also a genius. Here is how they figured out which villains helped on the evil plan:

Some guy: Could be any of them, but which one? Or, which ones?
Commissioner Gordon: OH!
Batman: Pretty, fishy what happened to me on that ladder...
Some guy: You mean that if there's a fish it could be a penguin?
Robin: But wait! It happened at Sea! See? C is for Catwoman!
Batman: That exploding shark WAS pulling my leg!
Some guy: The Joker!
Commissioner Gordon: All adds up to a sinister riddle. riddle-er...Riddler?
Some guy: Oh, thoughts strike me!
Batman: their forces combined...
Robin: Holy Nightmare!

Note: that is the actual quote, word by word.

So here is the plan: They have kidnapped that guy because he invented a machine that can pulverize a person then by just adding water, you can bring them back. But Batman and Robin are always getting on their way, so Catwoman will distract Batman while they work behind the lines to capture him. Needles to say that the boy wonder gets pissed about Batman’s love affair and decides to go out with Alfred.

Just kidding, he brings Alfred along to spy on Batman because he can’t drive.

Gabriel (9:18:47 PM): auEHuAHEuhAEuheAu
Gabriel (9:19:34 PM): batman's gonna score
Tati (9:19:45 PM): scooooooooooorrrre
Gabriel (9:20:07 PM): uahEuhaeuhhaeae discrete...
Tati (9:20:28 PM): falling in looooove with youuuuuu Tati (9:21:10 PM): woop woop! Tati (9:21:41 PM): he’s jealousssssss
Gabriel (9:21:42 PM): he is jealous
Gabriel (9:21:43 PM): AUEHUHAEuhAEUHAE
Tati (9:21:45 PM): hahahahahaha Tati (9:22:00 PM): boy wandah
Gabriel (9:22:06 PM): aEUhuAEHuhea
Tati (9:23:30 PM): prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Gabriel (9:24:06 PM): silly hands
Tati (9:24:30 PM): miau miau miau miau

While Batman is having fun with Catwoman, the other villains are out there flying their “Jet Pack Umbrellas”. They fly to Batman’s Penthouse and kidnap him and the disguised Catwoman.

Gabriel (9:28:52 PM): FUCK!
Tati (9:28:57 PM): hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Gabriel (9:03:09 PM): Awesome!!!
Gabriel (9:03:12 PM): I wasn’t expecting that
Tati (9:03:18 PM): hahaha
Gabriel (9:04:34 PM): AHEuhAEUhEAUEAU best props in a movie

After an amazing fight with the villains, Bruce/Batman escapes. He goes home to pick up Robin and they go after the villains. That leads to the best movie scene ever made. After they climb up the exterior of a house, they see that the villains left them a huge bomb. Here is Batman trying to get rid of the bomb.

Tati (9:40:38 PM): oh-oh
Gabriel (9:40:58 PM): haEhaheaeuhuaEHuaehuhe
Tati (9:41:03 PM): *iduaieuvjruurxhkueszdkflads*
Gabriel (9:41:30 PM): holy fuck
Tati (9:41:39 PM): go go go gooo
Gabriel (9:41:50 PM): uhaEUhAEUHuaehuhuheea
Tati (9:41:52 PM): haaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha
Gabriel (9:41:56 PM): best scene evar!!!!
Gabriel (9:42:01 PM): fucking EVAR!!!!
Tati (9:42:01 PM): EVAHHHH
Gabriel (9:42:08 PM): aUEHuHAEuhaeuhaeh
Tati (9:42:15 PM): hahahahahahaha woah woah
Gabriel (9:42:24 PM): AUEhahEuHEAUEHAuea great!
Tati (9:42:29 PM): nope! Not this way. Tati (9:42:44 PM): damn, loop! Tati (9:42:56 PM): hahahahahahahaha Tati (9:43:09 PM): OSCAR!
Gabriel (9:43:19 PM): uhAEuhuEAHuheuhea
Tati (9:43:25 PM): hahahahahahahahahahaha

So as you can see after what felt like 10 hours, he finally gets rid of the bomb, and for me the movie could have ended there, because I think I just blew my funny fuse. But fortunately the movie goes on.

Penguin disguises himself as the guy from the Yatch and Batman takes him to the Batcave. Now, what I didn’t tell you, because I was too busy watching Batman trying to get rid of that bomb on an infinite loop, is that Penguin had pulverized 5 of his pirates/guinea pigs and brought them along. So when he asks Batman for water, what do you think happens?

Gabriel (9:46:56 PM): clearly marked. Obviously.
Tati (9:47:00 PM): clearly marked!

Yes! 5 pirates get hydrated back to life as Batman states here:

Robin: Holy Hallucination!
Batman: I wish it were Robin, but it’s not! Its 5 de-hydrated pirates, re-hydrated.

Tati (9:47:15 PM): ???
Gabriel (9:47:50 PM): auehuaheuhaeuaeuheahu
Gabriel (9:48:07 PM): wtf?

But Penguin made a mistake when he added water to his pirates; he accidentally used the “heavy water” Batman uses to recharge his “Atomic Pile”. And here is Batman’s explanation for what made me and my cousin faint a little:

Robin: this led them to a highly unstable condition!
Batman: You saw it yourself Robin, the slightest impact was sufficient to instantly reduce them to anti-matter!
Robin: Anti-matter? You mean they, won’t be coming back?
Batman: No, Robin. Not in this universe

Gabriel (9:48:38 PM): wow
Gabriel (9:48:48 PM): aUEHuaheuhaeuhaeuhae
Tati (9:48:49 PM): hahahaha
Gabriel (9:48:55 PM): damn!

This is the exact scene right after he finishes explaining it. Apparently Penguin also fainted a little while trying to escape through the stairs. And by faint I mean poop.

My favourite explanatory sign so far (on the top):
KEEP OFF. Atomic Pile. Super high high voltage!

Penguin steals the Bat-mobile, so Batman and Robin use their Bat-Bike that was hidden under their Bat-bush to get to the airport to get the Bat-copter. The villains shoot a Polaris missile from their submarine and knock the Bat-copter down. Fortunately they fall right at a Foam Rubber Wholesalers convention landing on “Foam rubber on its crude form” leaving them unharmed from the crash.

The missile, besides knocking down the Bat-copter, also left 2 more riddles in the sky. And here is how it went:

"What goes up white and comes down yellow and white"
- An egg, said the boy wonder
"How do you divide seventeen apples among sixteen people?"
- Make Apple sauce!

Batman: Apples into apple sauce, a unification! And egg, nature's perfect container, the container of all our hopes for the FUTURE!
Robin: A unification and a container of hope? UNITED WORLD ORGANIZATION!
Batman: Precisely Robin! And there is one meeting going on right now!
Robin: WOW lets commander a taxi!
Batman: NO Robin! Not at this time of day. Luckily we are in TIP TOP condition. It will be faster if we run!

And off they go!

While they are running there, the villains break into the United World Organization building and pulverise all the country leaders at the meeting.

When Batman and Robin get there the villains are already back on their submarine.

Tati (9:59:54 PM): too laaaaaate!

So they go get the Bat-boat and go after the submarine leading us to the final fight where Batman shows why he is the goddamn Batman and fights everybody with a cat on his hands!

Gabriel (10:10:06 PM): aEHuAHEuahEuhaEuhea
Tati (9:52:55 PM): inhoinhoinhoinhoinnnn
Gabriel (9:53:14 PM): uaHEuhaeuhuae
Gabriel (10:10:07 PM): aeeeee!!!
Tati (10:10:11 PM): eeeeeeeeeeeee
Gabriel (10:10:15 PM): twhang!
Tati (10:10:17 PM): thwatch
Tati (10:10:43 PM): ACTION!!!
Gabriel (10:11:03 PM): Adam West is king!!!!!
Tati (10:12:03 PM): plop
Tati (10:12:21 PM): this is too funny hahahahahaha

After the fight, Batman figures out Catwoman is Mrs Kit Cat and Robin drops the country leaders mixing them all up. Back to the Bat-cave, they throw the country leaders on the clearly marked “Super Molecular Dust Separator”. They get back to the United World Organization building to re-hydrate everybody, but this time, with “light water, soft” of course!

But they fuck up. When the country leaders get re-hydrated, they come back speaking the wrong languages. So Batman looks at Robin and tells him their job is done and they must leave, BUT, “inconspicuously” and through the window. And apparently that’s the living end!

Gabriel (10:37:41 PM): ahEuhaeuheauhaehu
Gabriel (10:37:46 PM): Awesome!!!!!
Tati (10:38:01 PM): inconspicuous!
Gabriel (10:38:14 PM): our job, in movies, is finished
Tati (10:38:35 PM): FUCKYAY!

And that is why if you decide to use heavy drugs, you should write a movie!

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I am afraid of Bon Jovi  

Feb 12, 2009

Tati: Hello to you all, crazy valentines!

Since today is Jason day and tomorrow is Romantics day, I have found the perfect combination

A romantic American psycho!

Mel: This one?

Tati: Nope, not that one, he is not romantic.

This one:

you got that one right: Oh Lord here we go!

Mel: Well according to this pic he is “romantic Jesus” see the crown of thorns? It was ROSES...for you!

Tati: Hear me out ladies: John Bongiovi A.K.A. Jon Bon Jovi A.K.A. Bon Jovi is a psycho and I have proof, of course!

Let’s go through some photographic evidence first:

Mel: Tati did you photoshop that? Seriously who told him his best angle was turning like that, and how did he get those pants on! He looks like he has no “working parts” and had to use a gender bender to get those on, that isn’t sexy.

Tati: I swear I didn't touch this hideous thing, it is in fact, If I am not mistaken from the "Blaze Of Glory" CD booklet. But do you perceive this as normal? If you do, then you need to go see the looney doctor. Then you would think it was the 80’s and blame it on an innocent decade. Wait look:

HE IS STILL DOING IT!!!! Is this normal people? IS IT??? Of course not.

Mel: Yeah, still didn’t understand the angle deal, pants look like they are SUPPOSED to be tight and aren’t - like, has he never heard of jeans?- Now at least he has better hair, an unburned nose, a waxed not too long ago chest (further looney proof) and better abs. Money helped SOME things.

Tati: We will give a rest to our eyes for a while and focus on his music. Where he can truly express his feelings and bring everything from within and make some romantic tunes, like no other psycho can.

This is my favourite song from Bon-Jovi-Psycho-Killah. I lo-lo-love it, but now it scares me. Sometimes one listens to a song and never pays attention to the lyrics. BIG MISTAKE! I’ve been endorsing a psycho-killah and I didn’t know.

Mel: Not to worry we’ve all done it, I personally like to endorse a known psycho killer. And you can keep endorsing him, just include the psycho killer part.

Tati: First listen to it, will you?

Isn’t this the coolest Bon-Jovi-Psycho-Killah song? I lo-lo-love it! Now we have to see what he wants to tell you in there. But first, pretend that you and Bon-Jovi-Psycho-Killah are fancying each other, or are already dating. Then he comes to you and says:

baby, “If I was your mother, would you let me hold your hand? Would you tell me you are my baby? Would you always be my friend?”

and then, since you would probably be paralyzed and in shock trying to understand what just came out of the hot lips of your boyfriend, he would look deep into your eyes, hold your hand and go:

oh baby, “Tell me what I got to do, to make my life mean more to you...Tell me there is no other, to who you are telling your secrets, and baby, would you tell me about the boys you’ve been bringing home to meet me?”

And finally if you haven’t fainted, but surely turned pale white, he would hug you and whisper softly into your year:

Because you know babe, “When love is blood, you are never on trial, it don’t get deeper than a mother and a child, oh, baby, I got to get that close to you” *HEARTATTACK*

WHAT THE FUCK BON JOVI!!!!! Jesus Christ man!

Mel: Yeah ...WHAT THE FUCK BON JOVI!!!! Jesus Christ man...did you write that? There are numbers and drugs for this kind of thing and professional help. Is it because you are from New Jersey? Don’t be shy, tell us about catholic school.

Tati: Seriously, if you didn’t realize yet, let me make it clear: he is basically implying that you and your mother engage in a homosexual incestuous relationship and he wants that too, because if it’s the same blood, it’s ok. It wouldn’t surprise me if the girl in question was like 12. And he probably wants to know about the boys you’ve been meeting, so he can kill them one by one.

My theory is that he got away with that song because nobody realized what he was trying to say. Now, if he had said If I was your father, he would be in jail FOH SURE!

Mel: Which is why George Michael's "Father figure, preacher, teacher hand in mine" always freaked me out. That and Prince but that’s another story.

Tati: Next song will prove that Mr. Psycho-Killah is also a melancholic and dysfunctional stalker. (and Felicity is not a friend to be trusted around your boyfriend)

Picture that one now: After you’ve recovered from your heart attack, you dump your Psycho-Killah boyfriend, thinking now you will be safe. A few days later, *RING* *RING*, it’s Bon-Jovi-Psycho-Killah on the phone:

You: Hello?
Bonjo: Oh, hey baby!
You: ... ... ... ... Oh, hi Bonjo, why are you calling me? I told you a million times not to!
Bonjo: Well babe, you know, This Romeo is bleeding. You see I've always been a fighter, but without you I give up...
You: Bonjo, don’t give up, go be happy with someone else, it’s not you, it’s me!

Bonjo: I will love you, baby – Always. And I'll be there forever, I'll be there till the stars don't shine, and I know when I die, you'll be on my mind.
You: ... ... Errr, what???
Bonjo: What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair, to touch your lips, to hold you near. When you say your prayers try to understand, I've made mistakes, I'm just a man
You: What do you mean by that? Why should I be praying? Look I have a new man now, a normal one.
Bonjo: When he holds you close, when he pulls you near, when he says the words you've been needing to hear, I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine, to say to you till the end of time.
You: What the... Wait a minute, is that your car parked in front of my house?
Bonjo: *heavy breathing*
You: Hello?? Bonjo????
Bonjo: *CLICK*

Is that sexy to anyone?

Mel: ...........ok I take it back, tight sexless pants, no shirt and turned in funny angle IS a better look.

Tati: I don’t know about you, but for me there is a very fine line between being a romantic and a psychopath. I don’t believe Bon-Jovi-Psycho-Killah is on the right side of it.

Mel: Hmm do you have the guidebook on that? While I agree with you, there are some others I’d like to look up, when does romantic become stalking and creepy? I mean, there was a guy who was psycho but I’m not about the path part. That path is kind of twisty.

Like the guy who kept beating up my boyfriend because he had a crush on me, and kept trying to show me my boyfriend was an ass, which he was, ho only stopped threatening him after I asked him to stop (at which point the then boyfriend thought it was because he’d been working out and the guy doing the original threatening and male posturing decided to “back down”.

That was such a joke, because I mean my boyfriend at the time was a wimpy Tuba player and the other guy was a black belt in karate) I digress – which of us was more psycho? Me for dating a Tuba player, the Tuba player for being delusional, or the guy threatening violence? I’d like to think I’m still on the path, but I haven’t slept much this week, so I may be in the ditch right now.

Tati: Well Mel, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this but, you are all Psycho, but the winner Psycho-Killah is the Tuba-Player-Beater. (do I need to elaborate on that? Didn't think so)

I will put one last song here because otherwise, I will stay here all day showing you how psycho Mr. Psycho-Killah is.

I will simply paste the 1st verse here and you can take your own conclusions:

It might be hard to be lovers
But it’s harder to be friends
Baby pull down the covers
Its time you let me in
Maybe light a couple candles
I’ll just go ahead and lock the door
If you just talk to me baby
‘Til we ain’t strangers anymore

Mel: I don’t think he plans on talking much.

Tati: Yeah, if you ask me, pulling my covers down, locking the door, talking to me until we are not strangers anymore and going inside me means only one thing:

Tati (10:39:49 PM): rape rape rape rape!
Gabriel (10:44:00 PM): rape!

Not to mention this thing is worst than a cheap country song. Now on Bonjo’s defence I got to tell you

He looks hot when his hands are somewhere I can see them. HA!

Mel: well now that we endorse a known Psycho-incestuous-stalking-killer. I also have "It's My Life" in my head. "It’s my liiiiiiiiiiife, it’s now or never"....spoken like a true Psycho

Happy Jason-Valentine’s Day for you allllllllllllllll! A *gift*

Mel: Note to self – don’t pay attention to the lyrics of any metal bands, particularly “hair metal” also suggested gift for all you Psycho killers for this Jason-Valentine`s Day..

Tati: Note to Mel – Bonjo is not Metal, not even “Hair Metal”...

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